Out of time
by gsrfan1
Summary: Short piece set after Strange bedfellows, what could have happened from Ray's pov.


Out of time by Gsrfan

Summary: Post 'strange bedfellows' fic, written from Ray's POV. Ray reflects on the time they had and what it means to him.

Genre: Angst, Ray/Neela

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters.

Author's Note: I've never written a one-sided fic before or one with so little dialogue, so please let me know what you think. I'm also thinking of writing a less angsty sequel, what do you think?

X X X X

Time is a funny thing. It's so important to everyone, but so rarely recognized. You never think about it unless you're running out of it. That's what was happening to me. As I stood there looking down at her time was running out, ending even, but time seemed to hear my silent plea and stood still long enough for me to savour this moment, to etch it into my mind so I would never forget it. Even though I knew I shouldn't, I loved just standing there so close to her .

I could hear her breathing, smell her perfume, her shampoo; everything I love about her was amplified, my senses working overtime to capture the moment perfectly.

The entire time I was standing there looking at her, I was telling myself,

'Don't do it. Don't do it. She's married, you can't have her. Walk away' 

But as _she_ started walking away _me, _I stopped listening. I took her wrist in my hand and gently pulled her back towards to me, praying she wouldn't pull away. When she turned to me her eyes showed confusion, fear and something else I couldn't quite place. She made no effort to move towards or away from me, she just stood still.

Then I realised what it was that I could see. '**Want' **She _wanted_ me to do it, she _wanted_ to stay, she knew she shouldn't but as always her eyes betrayed her true emotions. After seeing this, I couldn't have stopped myself if I'd tried, not that I was going to.

I took a step forward and placed my palm against her cheek, a rush of hope passing through me as she closed her eyes and lent in to me. I swear I heard he sigh. Time starting moving again, albeit slowly, as I leaned in and placed my lips against hers. My heart was beating so loudly she must have been able to hear it.

For one perfect moment, there was nothing in my world except for her. Images of our time together raced through my mind, snow ball fights, staying up late watching TV, the first time we met, it seemed so long ago. I guess time really does fly when you're having fun. My thoughts came to a crashing halt as memories of her wedding day, the worst day of my life, flooded my mind. She must have been able to read my mind because at that exact moment, she pulled away, tears in her eyes.

'**Damn**!' I cursed myself, I had hurt her, all because I couldn't or I should say wouldn't, listen to myself.

"Neela, I….." I began, but she placed a finger to my lips to silence me.

Her hand moved to my cheek as she blinked back tears.

'**Always the strong one'** I thought.

She leaned in close and kissed my cheek,

"I'll never regret anything about us' she whispered 'you know I want to stay, but we both know _that's_ _why_ I have to leave' she continued, " I'll miss you, Goodbye.'

I released my grip on her arm reluctantly, it killed me to do it, but I knew I had to.

As she walked away from me for the second time, I started to follow her, a move that had become so natural to me that I didn't even realise I was doing it half the time. But as I moved, time seemed to speed up around me, leaving me unable to catch up. Not that I would have known what to do if I had, I had to let her go, I knew that, somewhere deep inside I knew that.

So as I stand here twisting the t-shirt she borrowed in my hands and her cab rounds the corner, I remember that one perfect moment that I know I don't deserve and imagine how I'm going to keep my distance at work now I really know what I'm missing.

As her cab disappears out of sight, realisation hits me, as perfect as time standing still for a moment had been for me. All I want now is for it to stop forever or until she comes back, time, will mean nothing to me until then.

The end


End file.
